But fine, I'll sack her. She was a staunch Christian of the Baptist denomination and takes the Bible and its teachings very seriously. I think I'd have to say "The best of Alan Partridge quotes." "The temperature inside this apple turnover is 1000 degrees, if I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will burst out.could go your way, could go mine. He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quickly [Tony shakes his head] Think about it. Lynn was very prudish with language, sex and non-Baptist activities or beliefs, but came across overall as an agreeable and pragmatic woman with a seemingly inexhaustible supply of patience and tact. Alan Partridge is never short of a quip or a quote for any situation, and he has loads of love and dating advice for this Valentine's Day. Partridge has a unique way of testing toilet durability while advertising a boating business. And in these sheds you have 20ft high chickens, and these chickens are scared because the don't know why they're so big, and they're going, "Oh why am I so massive?" It was my understanding in the lift that no money would change hands. Ooooooh, it's a good paper. Quotes.net. The biggest stories of the day delivered to your inbox. It's not hardcore super-sex. Lynn Benfield: I picked up these brochures for the new Metro. So that they can only be identified by reference to their dental records. But she also likes doing a good job: I think in her car outside she does a 'yes!' whenever. I'm Alan Partridge is a 1997 BBC situation comedy starring Steve Coogan and written by Coogan, Peter Baynham and Armando Iannucci. . 1. Alan Partridge: [expanding a dining table] Yes, it's an extender! Peter Linehan: [to Tony] Give him another series, you swine! Share; Comments; News. Idiot. I do enjoy these chats in the morning. Before the first series of Im Alan Partridge in 1997, the actress had appeared in a number of roles in comedy programmes, and shed even worked with Coogan, appearing in an episode of the anthological Coogans Run. ", Alan discusses honesty: "I know lying is wrong, but if the elephant man came in now in a blouse with some make up on, and said 'How do I look?' I am standing by a graveside, the wind whistling through my hair like a wind whistle. The temperature inside that apple turnover is over 1,000 degrees. Partridge gives an optimistic assumption of life on the Titanic before the disaster. Alan Partridge: [forcing a smile] No, he won't give me one. At the bottom of the net! Tony Hayers: [Holds his hands up] No, I'm sorry, no! Alan Partridge: That's bollocks, but carry on. Urrgh. Only Christians. Alan Partridge: You could, couldn't you, yes. Susan: [With a sunny smile] Good morning, Alan, how are you today? Lynn Benfield: Well, Alan, if you want a Rover 200 you're going to have to sack everyone at Pear Tree Productions. He really is. Go to London! Earlier I put in a pound of Dundee cake mash, lets throw a at a glance not a trace Peace of mind Im sure, especially if you have elderly parents on board. Aqua. Lynn.Lynn: No, I didn't.Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. Hitler's in his box, Jesse Owens just waved to him. Actually, I took some notes. Alan Partridge: [sniffing it] It's quite nice. 17. Which actually improves . Quotes.net. Alan Partridge: Oh, I like this. It's not the Gulf War. Is that it? Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. Jill, what do you think of the pedestrianization of Norwich city center? ", 8. You join us live at the Berlin Olympics on "Grandstand" in 1936 on this pleasant summer morning in Nazi Germany. But theres no affection, maintains Alan. Felicity Montagu Alan Partridge: It's alright. Wh-what is it you want? And then, then he goes over a cliff and he's falling and you think, oh God, James Bond's going to die! It's called a Rover Metro now. Michael: OK. I wanted to see Roger Moore take on Fiona Fullerton. This is for you, Tom.' That's English for stop a horse! She can often be a bit of a life-saver for Alan too, always around to step in should the need arise. My audience is divided into early morning farmers and late night returning ravers., Alan on the emotional trauma of having shot a man dead on his talk show: Haunt is a very powerful word Niggle? Not my words, Michael, the words of Shakin Stevens. Alan Partridge: OK, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. Yes. Credit: Audible. Alan Partridge: It flushed on the first yank! She's my PA. Hard-worker, but there's no affection. Discovery alleges that Paramount undercut their $500 million deal. A detective series based in Norwich called "Swallow". Alan Partridge: No, Jill will be sleeping with me tonight. I'll tolerate one, but not both. Er, not like those massive Stephen King books, which should be on wheels, shouldn't they? He was also a writer for Buzzfeed, GQ and The Sunday Times, covering everything from culture to tech and current affairs. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes. Just passed his details on to the Social Services. rock band The STANDS4 Network . Cut to the lounge downstairs, where Lynn and the Estate Agent are waiting in silence for Alan. He's an idiot. I realised I had nothing to worry about. Alan Partridge: That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they 'Paved paradise to put up a parking lot', a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Lynn: Good. It should contain a torch, a CurlyWurly, a book of stamps, a free digital watch with denim strap, a vodka miniature, a Bic-style razor and a copy of the Daily Express. Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. Oh, very busy. I'll tolerate one, but not both." - Explaining what he couldn't possibly tolerate in one person "Let me tell you something about the Titanic: people. Michael: Me, I'd, I-I-I'd have an, an Apache attack helicopter. 29. Alan Partridge: Yeah, I know the feeling. 30 years ago (August 9, 1991, to be precise), Alan Partridge was unleashed on the world and few would have predicted that the character would still be tough and cause laughter three decades later. Alan Partridge: Yeah, I've just been eating some mousse. Go on, try and finish the sentence and see what I do. Partridge has a rather callous misunderstanding of a famous U2 song that is not about the misery of a Sunday but about a massacre that happened in Belfast in 1972. Shes a hard worker. So they ride the money, bang a few heads together. 8. Gladiators Jet to host a Millennium Barn Dance at Yeovil Airfield. Correctly watched. [Alan is having lunch with Tony Hayers, a senior BBC executive]. ", 4. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? Classic Conversation to Lynn about Dan "Dan's a fantastic man . Probably survive a couple of break-ins before they started to fall apart. Certainly not 'Bravo Two Zero' by Andy McNabb. I've just lost a pint of blood. Idea for film extravaganza. By. 18:00, 14 MAY 2021; . Bad Credit Loans: How To Avoid Scams Online? Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course they're altogether a higher class of fat lady. I cut it right in half, right? paul mccartney Alan Partridge just doesn't die. A buffer between Partridge and the people he comes in to contact with. It must not, I will not repeat it, turn into a nocturnal rave. Alan Partridge: That's about right. All rights reserved. Marvel Studios producer wants the franchise to last forever? They taught you a trade. Sonja: "The Spy Who Loved Me" is a brilliant film. Alan Partridge: That's about right. Alan Partridge: [Walking up the stairs of the house he's looking at, which have wooden bannisters] It's very Cluedo this house, isn't it? Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. Alan Partridge: Yeah, Michael, I was just saying to Susan, bit of a job for you, unfortunately some vandals have sworn all over my car again. Aidan Walsh: I really hate to do this to you, Alan, but it's actually a song about Paul Tool: Yeah, bloody Sunday is actually about a massacre in Derry in 1972. Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. . You can use this Alan Partridge quote in a situation where a lover professes their love to you, but you do not feel the same way I'm going to hump you, like Deputy Dawg would hump you. Yeah. Here are 17 of his best quips, which you may or may not want to use in real life. . Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. It's a lovely car. You may or may not want to deploy these in real life. Alan Partridge: Excellent. Lynn Benfield: No, no, no, it's different. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women., Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit., Now, this is an uncomfortable thing to discuss, but I run towards discomfort like a man who has strapped truth explosives to his body and made his peace with God., As I write these words Im noisily chomping away on not one, but two Murray Mints. Cut to the lounge downstairs, where Lynn and the Estate Agent are waiting in silence for Alan. "Lynn, get rid of her. . Cook a cat! Lynn cared for her critically ill mother, having to change her sheets every day, until she died in 1997. Alan Partridge: Yeah, well, that's not good enough. Do you want to want to smell it? Alan Partridge : They've rebadged it, you fool! How are you? Partridge has survived as co-host of the show, a perfect parody of current affairs programmes such as The One Show and Good Morning Britain (with Alan a less secure version of Piers Morgan,. Whatever happens, her return is welcome in this next chapter of the Partridge saga. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! Alan Partridge is a fictional character portrayed by English comedian Steve Coogan. Alan Partridge: I like the, uh, I like those earrings. Although she occcasionally stood up to him,she was shot down by his skewed reasoning and banal putdowns. Alan Partridge: Well, I'll live with that. Charles and Camille. You're sacked. OK, uh. You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think Sunday, bloody Sunday! Especially no Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNabb, which actually improves with every read. Did you see that!? Alan Partridge: Oh, let's forget about all this [He sticks his fork into a large block of stilton cheese on the trolley next to him and lifts it up]. Are they gold? Alan Partridge: [about to have sex] Let battle commence. I think we all did. To celebrate the release of Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa on DVD and Blu-ray, weve put together a list of some of the musings of Norwichs number one radio host Alanisms, if you will. Despite her dedicated, efficient and often demeaning work, Alan treated Lynn with disdain and a lack of care, and paid her a paltry salary. Partridges constant acting as if he doesnt need her are a sign of his insecurities, not Lynns worthlessness. Stop! Erm, who's Tom Donaldson? On sex (again): "I'm going to hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya. Peter Baxendale Thomas: Oh, for goodness' sake. Shook Jackie Stewart's hand. This book would fit ideally into, er, an attache case or the thigh pocket of a pair of fashionable combat trousers. Alan Partridge: [Stepping into the lift] Well, there you go. Great joke between Partridge and his friend Dan. In fact, in the best chapter of my book, Im talking about when I gorged myself on Toblerone and drove all the way to Dundee barefoot. She's my favourite. Alan Partridge: No, that's a bit too far-fetched. You're the subject of a sacking, I want you off these premises in 10 minutes. That's terrible. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? And then I fly off to Cornwall and I just smash in the sea in a big ball of flames. Er, I know some of you may be religious and to those people I apologi- Sorry. In fact, were in not for Lynn keeping Alan in check, most of the events of Im Alan Partridge would never have happened. For the time being, they are brothers. She's 14 years younger than me. Michael: [Very thick Geordie accent] Vandals, eh, Mr Partridge? In many ways, Lynn is the unsung hero of the Partridge saga. I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career. "I'm Alan Partridge Quotes." And a broken home is not an excuse for evil. Lynn Benfield : No, no, no, it's different. The ratings were a ninth of what we could have expected, they started badly, they got worse Alan Partridge: [mimicking him] They started badly, they got worse Oh, oh, your programs, your programs Tony Hayers: Now, you're making a fool of yourself. Have you watched these big hits on HBO Max, Disney+, Netflix, and more? So, er, thanks. Its clear that working in such an environment with Coogan is a recipe for corpsing disaster, but Montagu manages to channel every stifled laugh into Lynns character, every repressed giggle further building on a rumoured affection for her boss. He must have a foot like a traction engine. At first this was 7,000 a year, later 8,000, and was eventually raised to 9,500 after her boyfriend Gordon threatened him. I said. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. Its perfectly plausible to suggest that Partridge is now so well known that his parody of goofy middle-aged men on television has now been replaced by Richard Madeley. Lynn's in-character response is that the ratings for his show started badly and got worse. Never, never criticise Muslims. Even more exciting, it has now been confirmed that Alans loyal yet long-suffering PA Lynn Benfield will also be returning for the new chat spoof. Everyone's here. No one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse. I've not thought it through, Lynn. That was soft rock cocaine enthusiasts, Fleetwood Mac. [He shuts the door. I've had enough of that! Can I have my sausages burnt to a crisp, please? Satisfying? I've got a girlfriend, she's only 33. Like the Cook Report, but with a more slapstick approach. Alan Partridge: I think he'll be a bit tougher than that, Lynn. 'Lynn, these are sex people!' getwestlondon. Join. Oh God. You are someone who has a proven track record for making mostly bad television programs. Login . The human brain comprises 70% water, which means it's a similar consistency to tofu. In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. Your programmes were appalling. Who is French for water. If I squeeze it, a squirt of melted Bramley apple will shoot out. Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. 7. Bloody Sunday Sunday. Just bit., Tears streamed down my face. Do you deny that? Proof of Montagus character abilities are further evident on Series 1s DVD commentary. So, iou be Tony Hayers. She's living with a fitness instructor. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. 13. Well at this stage of the show, some of my viewers maybe thinking "Alan, You're a liar! Two grand, that cost. Two chocolate mousses. He's, he's necking with her. She was often submissive when told-off or insulted by Alan. But then at the last minute Michael: He pulls a ripcord, right? Hit your targets or you'll be fired. Tony Hayers: Alan, this is Peter Linehan, he's revamping our current affairs output. Susan: Um, Alan, Did you send Sophie a Valentine's card this morning? Details About [Alan is being shown around a new house] Estate Agent: Living room. So, on her 30th birthday (the Lord knows how old the partridge is supposed to be), here are 30 of the best quotes and moments from North Norfolks favorite export. Wretched.. Take her out to a local fort or a Victorianfolly. I will remain Pontius Partridge. Its a delicious relief but I know its merely stoking the irritation. Although in men a few weeks ago I saw that someone had drawn the role of a woman. Tony Hayers: [smiling amiably] You know, I don't think you should see your future just at the BBC, Alan. Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge: Welcome to the Places of My Life, https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Alan_Partridge&oldid=3171589, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. [He laughs and leaves the room] Alan Partridge: Most times. Let us know whats wrong with this preview of, From the Oasthouse: The Alan Partridge Podcast. Blow 'im to bits. (Not the catchphrase just a thought. I just think it's time for you to consider moving on to new pastures. she is 14 years younger than me. Partridge tries to give his Ukrainian girlfriend Sonja some advice on how to make a full English breakfast. . But, er, that's not going to happen. Mashable is a registered trademark of Ziff Davis and may not be used by third parties without express written permission. Do it in a pub car park. Let me tell you something about the Titanic, people forget, people forget that on the Titanic's maiden voyage there were over 1000 miles of uneventful, very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg! Right, I'll tell you an anecdote. Warner Bros. Discovery to sue Paramount over 'South Park' streaming rights, Most watched movies and TV this week are are all about crime, cons, and cordyceps, 'Rogers the Musical' from 'Hawkeye' is now a real thing Disney is making, How to watch the 2023 Screen Actors Guild Awards, Wordle today: Here's the answer, hints for March 1, Prince Harry answering Stephen Colbert's quickfire questions gets into the real stuff, We need to talk about 'The Strays' bold ending, Elon Musk signals interest in creating a 'based' answer to ChatGPT. 20. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. from Mashable that may sometimes include advertisements or sponsored content. 28. "My bottom is itchy so I stop in the middle of the landing and scratch it lightly. Sure enough, I got into the spirit and played a practical joke on Gibson by getting my assistant to phone him during one of his shows to tell him his elderly mother had had a fall. I'm not playing that again. Alan Partridge: Sorry, Michael, that was just a noise. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? What's going on?" Alan Partridge: I prefer to go alone. Let's just pop the extractor fan on, get a through draught going., Alan on public speaking: Quick tip for yourself. Er, er, booger off! Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. Go on. and they're looking down at all the little chickens and they think they're in an aeroplane because all the other chickens are so small. He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Y'know, makes yeh wonder what it's all aboot. George Bernard Shaw The Deeply Graphic DesignCast Wes McDowell Community and are not verified by Goodreads dining table ] Yes, you a..., Netflix, and more the extractor fan on, get rid of her is shown. 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Be religious and to those people I apologi- Sorry ] Vandals, eh, Partridge...: Oh, for goodness ' sake ; t.Alan Partridge: Most Times Fiona Fullerton books! That you 'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course they altogether! Ok, alan partridge lynn quotes, get a through draught going., alan, did send! A Victorianfolly more slapstick approach wanted to see Roger Moore take on Fiona Fullerton Thomas: Oh for! A more slapstick approach to contact with.. take her out to crisp. Mostly bad television programs bingo hall, of course they 're altogether higher!